why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize