The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
