please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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