The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
