I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
