i jhust puked up my retainher.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ok first of all what the fuck
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
