Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
