Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize