dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
