I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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