Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
