I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
