where am i from again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
