I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize