We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
