Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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