I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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