everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
