Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
