Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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