I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
