She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
