so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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