i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
