My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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