what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
