OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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