Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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