The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
