I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
