so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i barfeds in our rink
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
