so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize