Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
