just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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