All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I want to fling myself into the sun
i think i just lost a toe
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
