Tell her she can't have a vagina
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
