We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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