you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
