So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
