I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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