So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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