I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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