Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
