Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
