i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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