i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
