I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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