I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
