I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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