I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
