I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
