when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my liver is dry heaving
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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