i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
