We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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