so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
