somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
