Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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