Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
