Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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