I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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