she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
