Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im part way to drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
