there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
