You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
