If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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