no, he came in my armpit
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
