Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
