First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
