i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
