the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
