I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
