Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
