jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
